Ladies Night

Girls are pretty awesome, we’re fans. Inspired by the women’s marches that happened all over the world Saturday - ladies, this one is for you. Thank you all for being some boss ladies who don’t take no crap from nobody.

To the Women in my Family 

Lukas and I planned to do this blog earlier as the intro indicated, but life events such as marriage, children, and 9 to 5’s often take precedent over our pastimes. Anyhow, we thought since mother’s day was coming up it would be a good opportunity to revisit this topic and thank not only the mothers and grandmothers out there, but all women in our lives who have made an impact and kick ass on a daily basis.

I’d first like to recognize and thank my wife, Courtney, for her love, support, being an amazing mother to our daughter, as well as being an all around awesome person and my best friend. As I’ve mentioned to Lukas before, Courtney is my true soul mate and the Ying to my Yang. We share a lot in common with one another like how much music and intentionality means to us. We also love dumb humor and can often be found laughing at each others burps and farts as well as cracking up and quoting movies like “Talladega Nights,” “The Other Guys,” and any other Will Ferrell or older Adam Sandler movie you could think of.

Courtney and I are also very different, but balance each other out in the best possible ways. I’m admittedly an introvert who enjoys my alone time and occasionally have anxiety and avoids new social situations. Courtney is an extrovert who doesn’t care what people think and often pushes me to step outside my comfort zone in order to confront these types of fears head on. I’m a mostly easy going guy who can at times remind Courtney when something isn’t worth the attention she’s giving it; but she can also remind me when I need to step my game up and stop feeling sorry for myself. (I should point out that my easy going nature doesn’t apply to when our daughter wakes up at 3:00 AM, but I’m trying to work on that.)

Courtney is just an awesome individual who I fell in love with pretty quickly because of her confidence, intelligence, and sense of humor. We’ve already been through a hell of a lot as a couple and I look forward to every adventure and struggle that we experience for the remainder of our lives. I strive to be a better person everyday and often look to the example she sets in areas where I may be lacking. I couldn’t imagine anyone who would compliment me more than she does and am so thankful to have such a loving and supportive partner by my side.

My daughter, Eliza is almost nine months old and while we haven’t gotten to speak to each other much yet, she already makes my day brighter and I enjoy the time that I do get to spend with her. I didn’t imagine I’d be a dad until much later, but getting to see her amazement in new discoveries and sharing in that joy with the woman I love is such an amazing gift. I can’t wait until I get to come home and play around with her in our yard, teach her new things, and watch her grow into an amazing young lady.

Next I’d like to give a shout out to my mom and sister, who are also confident, hard-working, independent, and funny women that I’m lucky enough to have in my life. My mom is one of the strongest people that I know and has worked hard and persevered where many would’ve given up long ago. She has given me a great deal of advice over the years and has had a hand in shaping the man that I am today. There are periods and events of my life that I’m not proud of and where I may have turned my back on myself, but my mom has always stood by me no matter what situation has been in my life. She is now a terrific grandmother to my daughter, Eliza, and Courtney and I always appreciate her watching Eliza for a little while so that we can have a little time together.

My sister, Ashley, is an very independent and intelligent person who is about to graduate from the College of Charleston this weekend! She is about to embark on her master’s degree at Winthrop University this fall and will be the first person in our family to obtain a secondary degree. Ashley and I have always been close and I could always count on her to have my back whenever we were growing up. She’s also very funny and shares my sense of goofy humor. I’m incredibly proud of her and am looking forward to seeing where life takes her in the coming years. I’m sure as Eliza grows older she’ll also be a great outlet for her to complain about how lame her dad is and how unfair he can be as well.

Finally, I’d like to give a shout out to my lady in-laws who have done so much to make me feel welcome in their family as well as helping us out in so many ways. Kathy, Courtney’s mom, takes a large burden of finding a daycare by staying with Eliza on days during the week while we’re at work. She never puts up a fuss and is always willing to help when we need her to help us out on extra unexpected days too. Kylie, Courtney’s sister, has done a lot since we’ve arrived in Greenville to ensure that we have a place to stay and that we are comfortable and happy in our working and social lives. She is also a great aunt who never minds playing with Eliza so that mom and dad can have a few minutes to breathe too.

These are all of the women that I interact with in my life the most, so if I left anyone out just know that I appreciate all of you and the impact you make on the world on a daily basis. Mothers, grandmothers, or not, we truly appreciate the time and effort you put into everything you do and our world would be undoubtedly worse off without you in it.

Further Appreciations of Women

Hey gang. You ever think there's something to the idea that women are smarter than men? My dudes reading this, hear meowt. When was the last time you had a problem that you couldn't figure out yourself that you didn't go to the closest females in your life for advice about? Maybe it's just me. Either way, imma give some shoutouts to the fabulous ladies in my life.

Kate

If I did nothing but sing this kid's praises I don't think I’d ever run out of things to say. She’s the strongest and fiercest young soul I’ve ever met. Even though she doesn't think so most of the time. Hers is not my story to tell, but she's seen some shit and taught me some things that shape who I am and what I intend to do with my life always, every day, whether I’m cognizant of it or not. Ours is one of few friendships I have complete trust in. That's a rare thing. Since I've known her, she's always believed in me, and I think everybody needs that. She's called me out once or twice too, and she's one of the few people I calmly take that from. She's a tough cookie, and she needs to learn that it's ok to let people get to her sometimes, it doesn't mean she's weak. I love and will always back that kid, period. She's my cub after all.

Ma

The gentlest and kindest soul I’ve ever met is hands down my mother. Sometimes the sensitivity that comes with that frustrates me, and I feel badly about that, because the world surely needs more people in it like Moma Honeycutt. Although maybe not quite as open to new things as us millennials, she has always been open to anything new I’ve showed her or introduced her to; successes include Paul Rudd movies and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, while notable flops were the tv show Skins and Metalcore music. She always strives to teach her students creatively and with love, and wants to see them succeed almost as much as she wants to see my sisters and me happy and my newly-retired dad relaxed and awake past 8 pm. That woman is the human embodiment of goodwill and protective concern, I’ll always love her and be grateful for that.

Pandabear

Yes, she's a kitten. But it's been very cool to watch her grow up and learn her personality by watching her interactions with her brother. She's a spunky little thing; she squeaks a lot, and she never stops trying to play with Sam, even when he snubs her. And sometimes she needs her space and privacy, too - even from me (probably especially from me). But she still always wakes me up after I snooze my alarm by licking my face and purring, and she always shows affection to me and Sam. So I thought she deserved her own little section.

Sisters

I don't know them that well, but I’ll always have their backs. The things they've accomplished are impressive, for both of them in their own special ways. I imagine one day I'll need to lean on them, and I know they’ll be there when I need them most. I like laughing with them and teasing mom and dad, those are the times when we feel most like a family I think. And we're all doing the same thing, in our own ways - teaching, defending, supporting and healing. I know mom and dad are proud of us, but even if in some crazy universe they weren't, we should be fuckin proud of ourselves. We’ve each gone through our own shit and we’re still standing. One of us married a dude cool enough for me to call brother, one of us is resourceful and independent as can be, and the other… well, the other is helping people in his own way, until he can help them professionally, and he's proud to have sisters like his.

Therapists

And, almost finally, my therapists. I have 3, technically, and each one is helpful in her own way. Kristina believes in my ability to get through treatment and come out a healthier, more whole person on the other side. She also accommodates my eagerness to learn and flaunt my knowledge very gracefully and professionally. She's one of few people I trust, and I'm grateful that we’re a good therapeutic match.

Jennifer lets me talk. Not that Kristina doesn't, but Jennifer lets me blather on and will blather on with me. Our sessions are typically less focused, but she has taught me skills that I actually use and find beneficial to get through the more daunting challenges in life. And there are just as many introspective revelations to be had with her as with Kristina. She's another of few people who I trust. It's an amazing thing, to have 3 people work together and in conjunction with you to help you heal. I'm glad she's a component of my treatment.

And Brittany. Britney? Dunno. But I’ll be honest- I didn't put much stock in energy work and chakras and “hippie dippie” holistic healing until I started working with her. None of it ever made me feel anything. But Reiki does. Reiki helps me relax and focus on what's important, and I genuinely look forward to our sessions every week. That's in no small part thanks to her - she's excellent at what she does, and I’m excited to continue learning from her.

One last one - Courtney

I don't know her that well. From what I understand, we’re both close and far apart ideologically. But she brings the best out in my best friend. She's helped him focus, gain confidence, and whig out less. And I know their baby girl Eliza does the same for him. And I love them both for that. So my last thank you on this list celebrating women is for them. But know that all you women are amazing and have something to add to this world, on a small scale or otherwise. Thank y’all for being you, we love and appreciate you.

Mental Health

L G H Post

I was thinking about anxiety and the examples that go around every mental health awareness month of how not to talk to someone with anxiety and one of them is telling someone with social anxiety to talk to people in an effort to get over it. I suppose someone who hasn't experienced anxiety may think that if you point out that it's irrational it’ll help. And I think they’d genuinely be trying to help. They don't know that we know it's irrational, you know? Our mind takes over and often it hits before we even realize it and it's super hard to break free of a feeling that fills all the cracks in your composure and tears down your sense of rationality. We know it and there's nothing we can do to make those feelings go away permanently, so at best we can learn how to cope with it and still be able to function. Don't feel sorry for us, though, that's not what we want. We’d be fine with you just being understanding and holding us from time to time, trying to distract us and make us laugh or relax even though you know it might not work. Not that I speak for all people with anxiety, it manifests differently for everyone. For me it's irritability mostly. Anyway, it's always important to talk about these things so we’re doin’ it.

Depression has historically been my bag more than anxiety, though my latest diagnosis is Cyclothymic Disorder (but don't get me started on the dangers of diagnosis). As I write this, I actually just came out of a major depressive episode (they last a minimum of two weeks, both clinically and in my experience). It's not a fun time, man, major depressive episodes. There's no hope; it evaporates and leaves behind emotional sludge that blocks a positive future view and makes me think to myself that I’ll be glad when my life finally comes to a close. Like living the rest of my unhappy life is a due, some penance I have to pay before I can be at peace. Not in a “kill myself way”; that would be cheating. So I continue to struggle and try my best to help people, even though it seems fruitless, because anything else would be a waste of meaningless time. It's infuriating, maddening. I have plenty of things I love and am happy about in my life, and I do my best to show them respect and gratitude when I come out of depression. Sometimes I’m ashamed of how despondent and emotionally remote I am with the people who care about me when I’m depressed, especially when they're trying to help me. I still have faith that they understand. So that's depression.

Suicide. Suicide suicide suicide. I wish people understood that feeling suicidal is different from behaving suicidally and that self harm is not determinative of suicide attempts. Not always. The times I’ve self-harmed were either as a coping skill or to prove a point. Yes, to prove a point. Not proud of those times. My one suicide attempt did not involve self-harm, either as precursor or antecedent. It varies for everyone. There was a long time where every day I thought of putting a gun to my head or jumping off a building, the thought kind of ran on a loop in my head. I didn't obviously. I don't even have a gun. But there's something soothing about letting the thought run around my head. Focusing on it helps distract from the chaos of my disorganized brain. And it actually feels good emotionally, like releasing or relaxing. That's the “upside” of suicidal ideation they don't tell you about. It's important that people know this is how some people with mental illness live most if not each day. Everyone’s deal is different. Different things pop up, work and relationships and the like. Those things make some kind of difference sometimes, sometimes not. I’ve never really heard anyone describe their personal experience of suicidal ideation in much detail, or very honestly. I don't ever tell anyone when I’ve got suicidal ideation working my brain because that's almost a guaranteed way to get the fuzz called and your ass dragged to the hospital. People don't understand that the ideation doesn't put life in danger. It would be helpful if we could talk about it, but people don't know. People get scared and do what they think is right. It's not, always, which we could tell you if you’d ask us our opinion on it and actually listen to it. People aren't educated about it. Now you're slightly better educated. One man’s experience doesn't speak truth for everyone, keep that in mind.

Andrew’s Post

Mental Health is a topic that has always been taboo in our country and in most places around the globe basically since the time before humans knew what a mental illness was. Luckily, times have changed and more people feel comfortable reaching out to others to receive the help they need and deserve, as many individuals find themselves at least experiencing some sort of depression, anxiety, or another condition at some point in their lives. Still, there is often times a stigma placed on those who make their struggles known to others, as we have an unfortunate aspect of our culture in the United States which tells us that we must be the best at all times with no exceptions or excuses. While I think this idea does serve its purpose and has always been a part of the “American Way,” I don’t think it does us any good when it comes to taking care of ourselves and others.

My time spent on this blog won’t be spent on what I think is good and bad in American culture, no worries. Lord knows I don’t want to have some argument with anyone about how much I do or don’t love this nation. Instead I’ll spend my time opening up some about what I experience (or have experienced), sometimes on a daily basis, in the hopes of practicing what I preach and showing others that your life as you know it is not in jeopardy by opening up about a very serious issue with others. I personally have experienced major depression before in my life and while I’ve luckily worked through that, I still experience situational depression. I try to remain acutely aware of when this happens and how to overcome it so it doesn’t lead back to any other forms of long-term depression. Still, I do recognize (as anyone who has experienced long-term depression can tell you) that it is not always effective to simply “try to work through it” and that it is necessary to receive professional help when it begins to impact your daily life.

What Lukas said in his post really hit close to home for where I was just a few years ago. I hit an extremely low point around my sophomore year in college because of a few different things going on in my life. I was incredibly depressed and essentially withdrew myself from everyone that I had met or ever known, except for a few friends and family members who I didn’t completely burn bridges with. While my diagnosis was different than what Lukas is describing, the feeling of hopelessness and feeling that life was an empty void was a thought process I experienced on a daily basis. I spent some time in a hold in the hospital at one point which was one of many wake-up calls for me that I needed to actively do what I could to change my circumstances while continuing to receive help from others that were effective in doing so. In all honesty, it’s not something I generally find myself opening up to others about in regular conversation because of the stigma that goes along with it and the fact that it opens up a lot of old wounds that I’ve worked incredibly hard to close and leave behind. However, I do see the necessity to be honest about your struggles so that others feel as though they can do the same.

Currently, I don’t speak to any sort of counselor or therapist because I don’t feel as though there are any major issues to overcome at this time in my life, though I implore you to reach out to a licensed professional if you do. I do experience anxiety on a daily basis, but not to the point that I cannot function in my everyday tasks. The best way that I can describe the way my anxiety affects me is becoming panicked in mostly social situations. After I get to know someone it’s typically easy for me to be myself and carry a conversation with you, but if I don’t the feeling as though I’m drowning kicks in like clockwork. As Lukas mentioned, one of the worst pieces of advice you can give someone with anxiety is to just keep talking to random people they don’t know. If I’m talking to someone I don’t know with a purpose or structure (job interview, office talk, fellow Dolphins fans, etc) I can fake it long enough to get through the conversation. However, if I’m at a party or social event just to meet new people, my time will undoubtedly be spent rotating the corners of the room while occasionally talking to one or two people that start the conversation with me. I can’t explain why this makes such a difference, but I have yet to find any real solution to the “issue” and frankly, other than occasionally feeling like I suffer socially, it’s not something that really bothers me anymore.

While I’m at the pulpit, another thing that can be extremely frustrating to someone who experiences social anxiety is to call them “awkward” or “shy.” While shy is usually well-intentioned, it often rubs me the wrong way as I see it as implying that I don’t have the ability to interact with others or complete something in the manner that it’s intended to be done. I possess the skills needed for social interaction as well as confidence in taking on new tasks, but typically work better alone, one-on-one, or in a small group rather than being expected to perform with or in front of many different people. Awkward, however, has never been well-intentioned and always reminds me of someone I went to highschool with that would use that word as an umbrella term for anyone that didn’t quite measure up to their incredibly shallow expectations of other humans. As Charles Barkley once said, “awkward is a white person’s word that can be used in any situation;” it’s as misused as “awesome” or “awful.”

All I would ask from others who don’t experience the type of anxiety Lukas and I are discussing is to be a little more understanding and at times give us some space when we are being “irrational” about situations. I don’t like feeling as though I’ve failed in a social situation anymore than someone who doesn't have anxiety hates experiencing “awkward moments.” The difference is that the said uncomfortable moment that a person without anxiety shakes off in two seconds and laughs about later on will oftentimes become a source of dread for the individual that experiences anxiety. The best that those of us who experience anxiety can do are learn coping mechanisms in order to prevent guilt-tripping ourselves over one little moment that doesn’t matter so that we can avoid creating more anxiety which often times can lead to depression. It’s not your fault that we experience this and we’re really not trying to chastise you in any way, but it’s also not our fault that we are affected by anxiety either. I don’t think asking someone to be a little more understanding of others’ situations should be considered a punishment anyhow, but I also know how defensive certain individuals can get over “forcing” them to do anything they don’t want to do.

Overall, I feel as though the majority of people I come into contact with are empathetic and understanding of my moments of anxiety or depression. I just ask those who don’t fully understand it to approach it the way I suggesting dealing with any situation you might not fully understand, but one that does not harm you in any way: tolerance. While you may not ever fully understand where someone with any sort of mental illness is coming from or may even believe that we’re exaggerating a simple issue, it is possible for us to have a mutual respect and accomplish the same goals.

Fears and Aspirations

Andrew’s Post

As I sit at my desk at work waiting for the next pleasant caller to give me information about why they’re moving into an apartment, I am contemplating how some of my deepest fears have played into my life thus far. While we ultimately view fear as a negative topic, I wonder if we can also have a healthy relationship with these fears in order to balance out where we’ve been and where we’re going in our lives. Are we limited by our fears? There are some people out there I can think of, including myself at one time, who may support that conclusion. However, I am starting to believe more and more that we can use what we know aren’t the strongest characteristics of ourselves to insure ourselves from further blunders and to strengthen and develop the good qualities we possess.

This honestly may seem like a self-explanatory concept to many individuals out there, but it’s a concept I know I struggled with for a long period of time. It’s easy to get down on yourself and become convinced that somehow the world is against you at the worst moments in your life. It’s much more difficult to remain positive through the hard times and believe that your strongest qualities will outshine those fears and something better will come out of a garbage situation.

As it stands in my life, I have a hell of a lot to be thankful for; I have a healthy and happy child, a beautiful and supportive fiance I’m about to marry, and have just started the process of buying our first home. However, it wasn’t that long ago that I never dreamed I’d have any of these amazing things and frankly expected that rock bottom was somehow going to collapse on itself and I’d fall further into my pit of mostly self-induced despair. Although I now look back on my past with amazement on how far I’ve come (and sometimes how I’ve made it this far), there’s still a lot I want to accomplish in my lifetime both personally and in order to give my daughter someone she can look up to in her life.

I am still looking for direction as far as my career and my overall purpose my life; even though I have some ideas of where my skills may lie and what I could see myself doing in the future, my passions still hang in limbo as I continue to search for where exactly it is I belong. One of my biggest fears is that I will never truly find a niche in life and that I will continue to float aimlessly between jobs, never truly developing any skills that I can carry with me. Luckily, this is a fear that I can mostly control by aiming to work harder and pushing for more than I sometimes believe that I deserve. Although I’m not a pull yourself up by your own bootstraps type of guy, I do think that continuing to strive for more even in the worst of situations is key to gaining more valuable experience, no matter how small it may be. “The Fact of it is,” quoting Frank from It’s Always Sunny, I may never truly find that sweet spot in life where I’m draining every bucket that’s passed my way. Knowing this, I believe, gives this fear less power over me and helps me recognize when I’m probably being exposed to some invaluable information.

The only other deep fear worth mentioning in my life is a fear of vulnerability or a feeling of deep anxiety whenever I’m with people I don’t know particularly well. I don’t think anyone could’ve guessed that considering my blog post last time about assumptions made about me being reserved, but alas it’s true. I won’t get into the psychology of why I feel this way around new people that I meet, but I’m aware it’s not the most attractive quality in a person. Ironically, one of my biggest aspirations is to become more sociable with others and to not care so much about what other people might potentially think about me. I’m aware that I’m far better in one-on-one situations than I’ve ever been in a group environment, so my goal is to alway focus on one or two people in a group that I connect the most with rather than frantically look around at everyone like I got ahold of the wrong stuff. This is a work in progress and it may always be in my life, but again the fact that I’m aware of it gives me a lot more strength than just trying to pretend it doesn't exist.

I, of course, have other trivial fears in my life as well: a fear of heights, drowning, or being caught in a fire, but luckily none of those have impacted my daily life quite like the previous two fears I’ve mentioned.  It’s funny how our fears can directly relate to what we aspire to accomplish in our lives. Maybe I’m the only one who finds some kind of weird relation between the two, but I’d find that hard to believe. As humans we often times want to be something we’re not completely yet, or in some cases may never be at all. Obviously the best practice is to not beat ourselves up over these perceived shortcomings; however, I still hold that it can benefit us to come face-to-face with our “flaws” in order to learn more about ourselves, lessen the impact these imperfections have on our lives, and strengthen the good qualities that we oftentimes overlook.

“For the Night is Dark and Full of Terrors”

Hope my fellow Westerosi lovers enjoy the Game of Thrones entry title.

Lots of things to say about fear. I wasn’t sure what direction I would take this post when Andrew told me he’d started another entry. I’ve been in a bad place for a lot of this week, and my first instinct was to was to make it about that. Writing is therapeutic. It’ll be kind of about that, but I also thought it would be cool just to be vulnerable and talk about my shit. Mostly to bitch, but also to show you, whoever you are that’s reading this, that it's ok to do that. To be open and even public with your vulnerability, I mean. Humans are too private with each other I think, we keep a lot inside. We should do that less. It’ll be good for communication and relationships. Anyway, my fears.

It's been weeks since Andrew started this post, I started my section in January and I haven't looked at it since. I don't really know what to say about my fears. I don't spend a lot of time actively fearing things. Habit, with what I suppose is a dash of truth, has me inclined to say I’m afraid of being alone. Ending up alone I mean. There's this look of awe when you're totally enraptured by someone that I’ve only ever seen in my life a handful of times. I don't know if I’ve ever looked at someone that way but I know I’ve felt that way a few times. I'm afraid that I’ll never get to a point in my life where I look at myself with that look. Total awe and astonishment. In a positive way would be preferable. I'm afraid of never feeling that way about myself about as much as I’m afraid of never seeing that look from someone I’m dating ever again.

I'm kind of afraid I’ll never find “blah.” My buddy Caleb and I talk about down the line when we're married (ha sooo many jokes could be made if I stopped right there) and we reference the people we're married to as “blah.” Example: “Listen, “Blah,” what we have is awesome, but you know Ruko/Careb is my number one.”

So, “Blah.” I’m afraid I’ll never find her. I'm afraid I’ll never have that person to come home to after shitty days at work who will understand that the only thing I want in the world right then is to hug each other and not talk about it. On rare occasions, I have a lot of hope that I will find her. But over time it’s started to feel like a fantasy that won't come true, akin to the ones I have where I’m the lead singer of a metal band and my only job in the world is to play music and show love to our fans and make the community of people who love the band feel like a family. Possible, perhaps. But so far away that I've begun to assume it won't happen and that I’ve loved all I’ll get to during my life. Still, somehow it's like there's this little hope switch I can't turn off that keeps me believing that I’ll one day find my “Blah.” Part of me finds it naive, but there's still something very innocent about hope. And I think I’d miss it if I didn't have it anymore, as annoying as I find it. So there's that.

Oh, also I’m afraid of snakes. They move on land without legs and it's gross.

You're Tacky and I Hate You

Honeycutt Post

I like to think Andrew and I aren't too negative with our posts generally. So this post is our well-deserved “bitchpost”. I have a handful of grievances against the common human that I’d like to discuss with humor and truth. So, if you read this and feel offended because you relate to some of what we describe, know that despite us calling this post “You’re Tacky and I Hate You,” I probably don't hate you. I just think you're tacky. And I hate you.

Participation trophies. Most of what I hear of them is people who’ve never gotten one bitching about them. So if you hate on the “participation trophy generation,” know that you're wrong, you're tacky, and I hate you. And here’s why. Those trophies don't do shit for entitlement or esteem and they certainly don't give kids (generally, now; of course there are exceptions) an unjustified sense of achievement. You know what participation trophies actually do? They sit on a kid’s shelf until they have too many and they throw them all away and don't think twice about them. At least, that's what I did with all mine. I played Rec League soccer pretty much from age 4 or 5 through senior year of high school. The whole point of community rec leagues is to learn a sport, work on a basic skill base, and learn how to play well on a team. It's purely for fun and socialization. And I don't see why kids who are learning a sport to have fun and learn how to be cooperative and a good teammate catch flak from people who don't think they deserve a $10 trophy that they don't even usually care about. And again, let's not forget that the kids don't play for the purpose of getting these plastic trophies; they're like part of a goody bag for completing the season that includes a team pizza party. Shit, trophies are part of sports too. I agree with the naysayers that would argue that they (participation trophies) have no place in a competitive league, but I actually don't know any of the naysayers who say that b/c all the one’s I’ve talked to hate on participation trophies indiscriminately and I seem to be the only person who makes the effort to make the distinction between competitive and recreational leagues. So let's all stop thinking we’re less entitled or work harder than a bunch a kids and let them enjoy their pizza parties with their teams, yeah? Good. On to a current event that involves a dog video and self-righteous indignation.

Alright so there’s video going around that was taken on the set of A Dog’s Purpose where a dog was forced into some water sort of and enough people threw a bitch fit over it that the studio pulled the movie. Supposedly. All I saw was the original video and the bitch fits. To the people who decided they would boycott the movie, dope. You do you. What gets me is that the dog is actually only in the water fully for like 2 literal seconds of the video. People out here up in arms over a puppers being forced to do what it doesn't want to. I’m sorry, so we think dogs want to be cage-trained or stay inside while their parents are at work? Dogs want to go outside in the cold to shit? Also, if safety’s your concern, let's please forget about all the police dogs out there who face danger on the regular. You know what I think? Obviously I’m generalizing, but I think talking about how terrible a movie studio is for hiring a dog for a movie and seeing the dog get uncomfortable when it has to do its job is a way to seem like an activist. You don't have to worry about minorities or women or your neighbor when it's so much easier to be pissed over a dog. I’ll go ahead and put the disclaimer that I was first introduced to this dog video when I was scrolling through Facebook and it was posted by someone I find annoying, so maybe I’m biased. But also, if the studio actually did pull the movie b/c of public outcry, there goes royalty money and sales cuts for every person who worked on that film. Sorry, gov’t, I was gonna pay off the last of my loans with the bonus money from this movie, but since people suck, you can charge me interest for another three months since I can only make the minimum payment. Meanwhile this German Shepard is probably chillin with his loving family and doesn't even remember that one additional time a human made him do something he didn't want to. Shaking. My. Damn. Head.

You know what else I find tacky and repulsive? Condescension. Unless I’m doing it. BUT I don't typically behave condescendingly toward someone based on their beliefs; I try not to, anyway, though I’m sure I fail at it a decent amount. But the way I hear some people talk about “conservatives” or “liberals” like they're dirty words and, by extension, dirty people… now that I can’t abide. You know what I think is particularly dirty word? Sputum. I don't know what it is, but I think it sounds gross. But right there is my point - “conservatives” and “liberals” don't know what “the other side” is thinking. Sure, they know what their anecdotal experience and whatever outlets for news they use tell them “the other side” is thinking, but on the real, you don't know what you're neighbor (yes, gang, we’re all neighbors) is thinking. I hate the things President Trump does and says and I also keep that hate confined to him, because he’s the one doing this shit, he’s the one saying this shit, he’s the one making an ass of himself. Plus he's tacky and that alone makes me hate most people. But if we can't chill and stop talking about “liberals won't even read this” or “haha conservatives now you got your wish and shit isn't going like you thought it would,” then I find us tacky and I hate us. Plus, I mean… we’re ALL losing our Obamacare, right? So that's some shit.

Lastly I’d like to discuss my biggest pet peeve (other than people who over-use commas): when someone tells me what I need to do. Real life example: “Lukas, you need to figure out a time to help us clean.” This came from a dude who, when I tried to organize an afternoon for all four roommates to get together and deep clean our place, cleaned for 15 minutes and then bounced to chill with one of the other roommates. But the douchecockery of my former roommates isn't why I brought this up. It's telling ME what I need to do that sends me from chillin on a beach with the honies to being physically and mentally blinded by white hot rage faster than it takes a 13 year old virgin to blow his load. Like, FIRST OF ALL, BITCH, thanks for presuming that you know more about me and my needs than I do. Thank you also for phrasing something YOU want (in my example, help cleaning) in terms of what I need, putting it all on my mocha self. And finally, thank you for doing that last thing but in a condescending way, making it known to all that you think you're above me. If you say “I need you to xyz,” for example, then you're talking about YOUR needs and what YOU need from me. Granted, I may just say “and I need you to suck it,” but at least pretend that you're not an arrogant ass. You know what these people need? To learn their place. And realize that they're tacky and everyone hates them.

So, that's all I’ve got gang. I did not mean my post as a personal affront to any one of you glorious people who read this, but know that I don't take any of it back. Stay tuned for Andrew’s post - he’s got an important message for all of the socially stunted extroverts out there. Peace! ✌

Andrew’s Post

Overall I’d say I have a calm demeanor; I take satisfaction in little things in life like being able to spend time with my family and rarely find reasons to dislike other people, other than said people having an aggressive or ignorant attitude towards others. However, being a generally reserved individual, one of my biggest pet peeves and something that can cause me to lose respect for you is to assume that there is something wrong with my being a reserved/quiet person when I first meet new people and proceeding to attack my character or make assumptions about me because of this. Unfortunately this is not an issue that I’m simply fabricating out of thin air as it is something that has followed me my entire life and has driven some of my more cynical views towards other people.

I totally understand if someone who is extremely extroverted and overly energetic chooses not to engage with me socially. In fact, it often times doesn’t make a lot of sense for either of us to waste our time trying to find something in common. There are, of course, times when opposites attract and we can balance each other out, but there is no harm done in simply choosing not to associate with someone you don’t mesh with. The trouble comes when others confuse my reserved nature as being stuck up or just decide that I must have some sort of weakness because of it and decide to channel their inner sociopath and take advantage of this perceived flaw in my character.

You may be thinking to yourself “grow up,” “the world is tough,” or “I can say/do whatever I want.” I can’t argue with any of that and the world is tough, especially when decent human beings have to cater to ass holes of the world like you. Since this seems to be such a difficult concept to so many people out there, I’ll try to explain it to you the way your parents/elementary school teacher/guidance counselor/old Willy from down the block or somebody in your life had to have told you at some point in your life: “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I don’t give a damn how my demeanor makes YOU feel, because this is MY life, not yours. If you don’t have any legitimate constructive criticism for me that can help me improve my life in any way, please do me (and everyone else in the world like me) a favor and shut up. I try to be open minded and accepting of everyone and the baggage and beliefs they carry along with them, but this is frankly something I’ve grown tired of in my life. I’m not going to become an incredibly talkative, extroverted individual overnight anymore than anyone who is will become introverted and reserved. Please give other people grace, space, and respect and the world will open up to you.

Also I don’t care for Patriots fans, but it won’t cause me to lose respect for you. That’s all for me folks! Let us know what you think in the comments and what really “grinds your gears!”

"Music. Reality. Sometime's It's Hard to Tell the Difference; But as Entertainers, We Have a Responsibility...to These Kids...it's Like..."

I think music is something near and dear to most hearts, so I figured it’d be cool for you people to read this and share your thoughts and personal experiences about how music has made a difference in your life. That is, after all, half the purpose of this blog.

Lukas' Post

A respectably significant percent of my free time I spend listening to music and thinking. 75% of that time is spent thinking about my past and future, and while I value present-mindedness, I think it's important to reflect on where you’ve been and how you got to where you are. Music has been a significant resource for me in my 10 years of battling (and losing to, more often than not) mental illness. The latest diagnosis I’ve gotten is Cyclothymic Disorder - for those unfamiliar, it's like Diet, Zero-calorie Bipolar II. In my in-person, off-the internet life, I don't talk about it regularly with my friends and family. A lot of the time I just don't know how to describe it or find it beneficial to talk about, and to that end, music’s been my emotional siphon for 10+ years. I find it empowering. It’s also been key to some pretty wonderful moments in my life, so I figured I’d share a couple of those.

The year was 2009, and I was a few months out of a car accident that left me in the hospital for a week and almost prevented me from walking at my high school graduation. Andrew (of this blog) and our boy Josh and some other friends from high school had planned to do First Week at Myrtle Beach that year, but I couldn't go because at the time I had other things on my plate - primarily physical therapy and figuring out how to poop without the aid of 2 different laxatives. So Andrew, Josh, and I went to Warped Tour in Atlanta at the end of the summer to compensate. There's a lot to this story, involving Andrew’s car getting towed and us having to stay the night in a motel, but the parts that stick out were at the concert. We saw Andrew’s then-favorite band, Senses Fail, and I had them sign my back brace (in the aforementioned accident I broke my back). That was cool. The lead singer Buddy laughed while signing it and said, “you should probably put this back on now.” We saw my then-favorite band, Saosin, and met the members in the signing line (sadly this was in the many in-between years where Anthony Green wasn't with them). Other notable acts were Chiodos and Underoath, and even though it was hot as balls that day, it's still one of my fondest memories with my friends.

Another good one involves some relationships I’ve made through music - well, music, and a shitty job I worked in Asheville. At said job, I met Daniel “Qwyk” DiSalvo. He and I have remained friends since those days. Through Qwyk, I met the other half of his hip hop duo Pragmaddix, John “Artemis Diesel” Harper (check them out if you haven't *cough* Andrew *cough*). They’ve been homies since high school, and Diesel came to visit Qwyk in Asheville one weekend and we all hung out. I listened to them practice their raps for hours, and for about a year after that, I didn't miss a single show they played in Asheville and Charlotte. A few months before their first album Solar Panels dropped last year, Qwyk hit me up asking for my e-mail and told me to check it in about an hour. He sent me what I believe ended up being the final cut of my then-favorite of their jams, “Just Breathe,” and asked me my opinion on it and for suggestions on how to improve it - all solely because he knew how much I loved that jam. To this day, that's tied for first (with Andrew asking me to be his best man) with the coolest thing a friend has ever done to show their love and appreciation. Through Pragmaddix I’ve met a shit ton of awesome artists who also happen to be very nice and interesting people: Chris Shreve, a former wide receiver for Virginia Tech and current professor at App State; his hip hop partner Mike L!ve and their DJ, Jetty (together the 3 of them make up Free the Optimus, or FTO, who’ve won the Carolina Music Award for Best Hip Hop Artist two years back to back (‘15 and ‘16)); Walt B III and the rest of Gifted Musik; Day Brown, who I know better as a person than artist, but whose album MidnightBlue you should definitely give a listen; and so many others. Going to any of their shows feels like a fun family reunion. Jetty and his lady Tanya have welcomed all of us in to their home after shows, and some of my warmest memories are late-night talks with these guys about music, politics, and that one night in Boone when every single one of us who was single at the time got laid after a Pragmaddix show. Being with these guys is like being with family, and I wouldn't have that with them if it wasn't for music.

I have countless other memories worth sharing, but I don't want to bogart all of your attention span, so here I’ll let Andrew take it away. And thanks, all of you musicians both mentioned and otherwise, both friends and strangers, who have brightened my life with your music. Now I'm off to see my favorite metal band, Norma Jean, so - take it away Awatt.

*** A little post-Norma Jean reflection: so I got hit in the face in the pit at the show and I went down faster than an engaged couple who’ve been saving themselves til their wedding night. And homeboy next to me picked me up, patted me on the back, and made sure I was ok. That whole experience reflects part of why I love metal shows. Everyone in the pit is a brother - the decent people look out for each other. All those people there, going nuts over the same song for a million different reasons - that's what a community is about. Coming together despite differences to enjoy the same shit and help each other out. Sure my contact got knocked out and the left side of my face will be bruised as hell. But I’ll wear those bruises proudly because it means being part of a community that goes all out for the music they love, same as I do. Much love for The Almighty Norma Jean.

Andrew’s Post

Prayers going up for Lukas’ face! Nah, although I’m not a personal fan of Norma Jean myself, I do understand the feeling of community Lukas is talking about at a show or in a mosh pit. Music is definitely one of those beautiful things we get to experience in this world and it all means a hell-of-a lot to just about every person I know. I had honestly totally forgotten about that Senses Fail experience until Lukas brought it up again, but it always gives me a good laugh to reflect on that day at Warped Tour. Senses Fail was a band I stumbled upon randomly (quite literally, I just picked out their CD at random at Best Buy one day) and got me through those emotionally driven times in high school I thought would never end. Although I haven’t listened to any of their new stuff in recent years, they always bring back memories anytime they come up on my playlist in my car on the way home from work.

It’s funny how we can still remember simple songs that we used to sing as children no matter how old we get. My fiance and I have begun singing these songs to our daughter and it always brightens our day when a big smile comes across her face from us singing “Twinkle-Twinkle Little Star” or “Are You Sleeping Brother John?” I can still remember my dad listening to his Billy Joel or Jim Croce albums too, many of which I can still recite to this day. Music certainly has a strange way of connecting us to others and bringing up memories from a certain time in our past.  

Although I dabble in many more genres today than I used to, I’ve always had a spot in my heart for hip-hop/rap. I came across it for the first time when I was eight or nine years old and was drawn in by the sound, symmetry of words, and of course the words themselves (many of which I knew were forbidden in my household at the time). Though my love of rap started as a sort of rebellion in my early years, it grew into much more than that as I got older. There was a long period in my life that I didn’t have many friends and didn’t feel very worthy of anything; this feeling returned again in more recent years when I just couldn’t seem to get my shit together. Both times when I felt as though I was completely alone in this world (excuse me for my past selfishness, family and friends who were there for me) rap was there for me to put my energy into and let go of all of the tension I was holding onto. There’s a line in “Sing for the Moment” by Eminem that I’ve heard other people quote as well which I think sums up why hip-hop will always have my heart. In the song Eminem says, “that’s why we sing for these kids that don’t have a thing except for a dream and a fuckin’ rap magazine, who post pin-up pictures on their walls all day long, idolize their favorite rappers and know all their songs, or for anyone who's ever been through shit in their lives, so they sit and cry at night wishin’ they’d die, till they throw on a rap record and they sit and they vibe, we’re nothing to you, but we’re the fuckin’ shit in their eyes!”

I’m so glad I’ve made it past that point in my life and I can see value and worth in myself and others. Listening to those old songs always makes me look back on the past and appreciate where I am now and how much more clearly I’m able to process everything in my life. It also helps me to empathize with others who may not be in the same place I am now by remembering what place I was in not so long ago.

I also love thinking about being able to share music with my daughter and create new memories with both her and my fiance. Obviously I’m not going to introduce my small child to Eminem or most rap with explicit lyrics anytime soon, but when I feel she’s of age I’m definitely going to explain to her how much those artists and their songs mean to me. I’ve already found that she has an affinity for Kid Cudi’s music which always delights me. She can be in the worst mood screaming her little head off and when I put on Solo Dolo she immediately calms down and gets caught in the music. I look forward to the expanding sounds of music and seeing what she decides she’s into as she grows older. I only hope I don’t follow that long tradition of saying I don’t understand her music and talking about how much I miss the good old days, though it may be inevitable. Let us know what music means to you and any special memories you may share in the comments!

*Note to Andrew from Lukas: I can't wait to take Eliza to her first metal show. No one will get hit in the face but me, I swear!

Reflections on 2016 (Without the election as much as humanly possible)

Andrew's Post

“Oh where has the time gone?” “Time flies when you’re having fun!” “Time! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!” “Eat my shorts.” All of these cliches are coming to mind as I look at my calendar and realize we’re only a few weeks away from burying the tire fire that has been much of 2016. Though I could spend all of my time in this post ranting and raving about the Presidential Election, a perceived progression of division amongst races/classes/political parties, the continuation of violence in our culture and society, or a motley crew of other disheartening subjects, I have to admit 2016 has been pretty great for me personally so I’m going to spend some time talking about my own personal year in review.

The year of our lord, two-thousand and sixteen started off in a bit of a whirlwind considering that my now fiance and I had just discovered we were pregnant with our now four-month-old baby girl. Though, at this time, we had yet to discover her gender and were totally lost as to what our plan was for the future. Courtney spent some time in South Carolina with relatives for a period right after the new year before ultimately returning for what would be her last couple of weeks there. While she went to clear her head, I spent my time calling and texting friends and family back in Denver, trying to move from denial to whatever stage I was supposed to be in afterwards, even though her departure was temporary.

Looking back to my time in Denver now seems strange, considering it seems like much longer than eight months ago that I left. I have experienced so many life-altering experiences and have done a good bit of growing personally in that time, so it feels as though I left a lifetime ago. Everything for my fiance and I ended up working out thanks to family and friends that supported us; we ended up finding jobs in the Greenville, SC area and welcomed a beautiful baby girl into the world on August 14, 2016!

My biggest challenge now is remembering that it’s okay to make mistakes and to learn from them while trying to figure out this whole Dad and future husband thing. Though I’d say I’ve basically jumped in all of it head first; I’ve now got an official Dad-mobile (Hyundai Tucson) and am working on getting my first home (two things I didn’t imagine doing until my 30’s, quite honestly). There are lots of exciting things to come in my life, as well in the year 2017, and I’m looking forward to each and every one of them.

Lukas Post

Man, it seems like the older I get, the shittier the years go as a whole. But I'm learning this year to take what I can from all that and remember that some of the times weren't so shitty. I raised one precocious kitten to near-adulthood and got another one, both of whom bring me much frustration and greater joy. I finished up my first year of grad school, left the program, and started a job doing something I hoped I’d never have to do - customer service. The job’s taught me some stuff though, and I hope that stuff sticks with me. What it feels like when the company you work for makes a crap ton of effort to show they appreciate their employees, for example. I started going to a lot more shows again; I saw my favorite band - Norma Jean - twice, with a lot of other great bands mixed in. I started appreciating hip hop and rap way more, and spent some of the best times of my year with my favorite rappers up in Boone and Asheville. I learned how to stand up for myself. I met some amazing people from all over the world and got to reconnect with a kid I love like she’s my sister. I made friends in Charlotte and finally found a bro beans to hang out with regularly, and it's actually a pretty quality friendship that I’m quite grateful for. Found out I’ve been sleeping on some great media - Kendrick Lamar, The Underachievers, Blue Mountain State, The League, and Game of Thrones. Remembered how nice it is to read a good book and started reading for pleasure again, however sporadically. My pops retired, and my best friend had a kid and asked me to be his best man at his wedding next year. Lots of good shit mixed in with the bad. Here's hoping for more great shit in 2017 and the continued ability to recognize and revel in it.

Election 2016

Thanks for joining us again gang. People get so hot and bothered about talking politics, and I know it's taboo in some families and friend groups to talk about them. But I think they're worth talking about. So here are Andrew's and my thoughts on the 2016 election. The posts before "POST ELECTION" in bold were written election day 2016; post-election were written a few days after. Read what we have to say, share your thoughts as well, and let the discussion begin!

Lukas Post

Those who know me well (and I guess those who read this post will now) know that I’m fairly often depressed, anxious, or in some other capacity emotionally uncomfortable. To put it lightly. But today I feel pretty good. I was super stoked to find out my polling place is a 1 minute walk from my apartment door; as such, I woke up at 6:26 today, fed the cats, and was in line to vote by 6:30 when the polls opened. As tiring as this election season has been, I was in a pretty good mood, standing in the cold waiting to cast my vote. One of life's novelties that I really enjoy witnessing is seeing people rallied for some kind of cause or in some other way inspired. Excited, happy, curious. It's amazing to see people's passion. There were all kinds of people at the polls - a few first time voters, people of all colors and backgrounds and creeds. And everyone seemed to be in just as good a mood. I thought that was cool- a few people socialized, most stood quietly in line on their phones, but I didn't witness a single moment of discord. The respect everyone was exhibiting for the voting process and their countrymen’s right to disagree with them and express their own opinions was pretty inspiring.

I voted for Jill Stein. She was a write-in where I live now in North Carolina. I wrote her name in and just stared at it; JILL STEIN in all caps, just like that. I have to say, it felt pretty amazing to see it and feel good about my vote. People have made jokes all day about how terrible they feel having to vote for Hillary or Donald. I think it's a shame that people are convinced they were the only options. I was talking to my French friend about voting and she offered what I’ve heard from most people I know supporting Hillary - sometimes you have to choose the lesssr of two evils. But I hope you don't think you ever have to choose “evil.” As I was talking with her I realized The Establishment, as it were, got us by the curlies in what I have to admit is a clever ruse. See, people are mostly voting out of fear of who will win, and are voting for the opposition. It's a very short-sighted view. It keeps us from thinking about long term and how to give our solutions to problems some real longevity. And we're stuck in this mindset, as a people, because The Establishment or whatever wants it that way. How did they do it? Allow a man like Donald Trump to run opposite of a woman like Hillary Clinton. I imagine Hillary will win, and she’ll get the the votes because people are afraid of what happens if Trump wins. And so The Establishment will have coerced us in to fear-voting for a candidate who will give us much more of the same, in terms of how our nation is run. Corporations will still reign supreme, politicians will still be able to be bought, people will still be angry and frustrated by many of the same things that they have been for the past 8 years (and for the record, I’ve always been a fan of Obama - I’m not hating on him). Because we allowed ourselves to believe that Hillary was the only way to beat Trump. I find this particularly clever because it plays on survival extinct and coerces us into thinking the choice to vote “evil,” whether lesser or greater, is good for us. We focus on the immediate danger and how to escape it rather than how to prevent the danger from threatening us again in the future. It’s very evolutionary, our political tunnel vision.

But Hillary wasn't the only option or the only way. What if Trump wins, by the way? We’ll have to deal with it the same as if Hillary wins. People are so terrified of what may or may not be that they’re more concerned with fighting against what they don't want than fighting for what they want. All I know is that I want there to be a time where I don't worry about being able to afford rent each month because of my student loan payments. I want there to be beautiful and healthy nature that I can take my one-day family out in for camping weekends and beach trips and sometimes go out in when I just want to be alone. I want prisons reformed, marijuana legalized, education better-funded and more valued. I want people to respect each other, whether they vote for Trump or Hillary or Satan or Spongebob, and I want to be part of a system where government works for people rather than corporations and where mercy and grace are more abundant than fear, vengeance, and so-called justice. And I think Jill Stein is a step towards that. That’s why I’m super proud to have voted for her and for what I want, rather than primarily against what I don't want. Thank you to all who voted. And those who didn't - know your voices were missed and you still have as much a say in how you're governed as the people who did vote. Happy Election Day 2016.

Oh as a note - I was all for Bernie until Steingot some momentum. I mean I still am, a ‘uge fan - the ‘ugest fan there could be. But Stein a bit fit better with me than Bernie. A Stein/Sanders ticket, though - that’s the dream!!

Andrew Pre Election Results

The morning air was as crisp as a freshly minted dollar bill; the line was long, I was tired as hell, and my family and I were in line to cast our votes for the 2016 election. Everyone was in a seemingly cheery mood, even though the weather was a bit chilly and the line to vote at 7 AM was rather long. Other voters commented on how cute our baby was (no surprise there) and made small talk with us on the way to the voting booths. The volunteer that led me to the booth even made a cheesy joke about my daughter “falling asleep to the sweet sounds of democracy.” It was an overwhelmingly positive experience and always has been for me each time I’ve voted. I suppose I’m one of those suckers that falls for the idea that I’m able to express my opinion openly, whether it ultimately makes a difference or not.

I, unlike Lukas, had trouble deciding who I was going to cast my vote for literally up until the night before the election. Let me start by saying that I thoroughly believe that everyone should vote for their preferred candidate, no matter what party they represent; but let me also fart in the metaphorical elevator that Lukas created by telling you that I cast my vote for Hillary Clinton.

I was originally a proud Bernie supporter and even tossed around the idea of writing him in, but decided that would be a waste considering he told voters that he was essentially not interested in that and to cast their votes for Clinton instead. I also looked into Gary Johnson, but decided that even though he’s pro-legalization of marijuana I couldn’t justify voting for the things I didn’t agree with him on. Jill Stein was closely aligned with much of what I believe in as well and was the last candidate I had trouble eliminating, but unfortunately I found it difficult to believe that she would be able to implement the policies that she was promoting. I should also point out that I didn’t agree with several things Stein has said and didn’t agree with some of the ways she had planned to carry out her ideas, whether I agreed with the idea itself or not.

This was also true with a lot of things that Clinton has stood for throughout her campaign. I recognized that she is a career politician who has had a questionable record and voting for her may be, as some pointed out, “more of the same.” Ultimately, I decided to vote for the individual I felt would continue to carry on the legacy of the Obama administration and, more or less, picked the “safe choice.” I have to admit that my life has become increasingly better while Obama has been in office and I have been fully supportive of much of what his administration has done. So, and I mean this quite literally, thanks Obama! I recognize of course that much of what has changed in my life has been through my own efforts, but I still happen to support much of what he has managed to accomplish while holding office. That being said, while there is still much that I would like to see done in this country before I die, I suppose I was content enough to vote for the direction we were headed in rather than vote for anyone that represented an immediate shift in policy and ideology. I’m admittedly not as “extreme” in my views as I once was in college and I can’t say that I’m a fan of pulling a “180” anymore.

I did choose to make the “safe” choice in this election, though I want to make it clear that it wasn’t simply out of fear of a Donald Trump Presidency. Had Bernie Sanders run as an independent on the ticket, I would’ve voted for him without hesitation. My decision was one that took time and wasn’t influenced by the many Americans saying “a vote for a third party is a vote for Hillary/Trump.” I do agree with Lukas on this point; that pushing someone to vote for one of our two major political parties is one of our biggest problems. We should always encourage individuals to express their opinion no matter if it’s through a political party or a write-in vote (as long as that individual happens to be a human and alive to take office, that is). However, many individuals this election cycle saw it as being a “privilege” to be able to vote for a third party candidate. I can respect that belief even though I can’t relate (see our White Privilege blog), but I hope we can change that in future elections for all individuals.

I too dream of a day when I will no longer have student debt, though I knew what I was getting into when I started receiving loans and don’t know if the solution is to pretend it never existed. Anyone who knows me well also knows how important prison reform is to me because of one of my family members being imprisoned. I too dream of a day when marijuana is legalized and the war on drugs has ended, as it is directly related to prison overpopulation. I will continue to vote for candidates that I think closely identify with my beliefs, though occasionally I do negotiate because the majority of them aren’t a total match with my own beliefs.

Unfortunately many of these issues and the trouble we have with getting them accomplished is because of lack of negotiation from both sides and our representatives having such close ties with corporations that wish to have bills passed or killed off in their favor. Ultimately, I believe that is why so many people ended up voting for Donald Trump. Larger than his tone of intolerance and fear was the idea that he was an outsider who would shake up the establishment. I think that this is incorrect on so many levels and that he is no different than any career politician, other than the fact that he’s never held public office. However, the fact remains that we now have Donald Trump as our president-elect; after we have given our friends that need it time to grieve, we need to start moving forward or will find ourselves falling further backwards than we may end up being pushed already.

I’d like to end with a quote I saw on a Facebook friend’s page that I don’t necessarily agree with, but I believe is a good explanation for why so many of us, myself included in this election, vote so short-sightedly:

“I wonder from where so many Americans get the idea that voting is supposed to be some expression of your deepest, most beloved values and virtues rather than a pragmatic, political move meant to shift your country as much closer to your ideal as possible. This strikes me as another example of extreme individualism. Voting isn’t about YOU. It’s about your city, state, and/or country. It doesn’t have to feel transcendently good deep down in your bones. It just has to DO as much good as you can do, in this particular moment in time.” - Miri Mogilevsky

Post-Election

Lukas Post

Basic thoughts post election:

1. Some Hillary supporters are blaming Stein and Johnson supporters for Trump’s electoral win instead of the people and states who actually voted for Trump. That makes it less about the issue of Trump’s morality and more about being pissed that their candidate didn't win. I think this was a grossly disheartening election season and day, and I understand that a lot of the blaming comes from frustration at a very fucked ip system. But it’s coming off - to me, anyway - as more anger that Hillary lost than that Trump won. Example - if all the people who voted for Hillary had voted for Stein instead she would’ve won, just like if the Stein supporters had voted Hillary. I think this blaming of others who think similarly to you for not voting for your candidate isn’t anything more than another way for the Establishment/“political elite” to divide us when, in my opinion, we’re on the same side. The people who wrote in Harambe are little shits though
2. Trump is a fool. The second he starts implementing policies that violate rights, whether it’s in his first year or day or moment in office, We The People break hell loose, even if it means marching on the White House. But starting his first second in office i think he deserves an honest chance to not fuck up, as all humans do, regardless of how flawed. That's our civic duty I think, just as it is to vote and just as it is to protect each other from those who would harm us. I don't support his othering/hateful/racist/sexist/xenophobic/etc rhetoric at all and will fight tooth and nail in support of those he means to oppress, but on the off chance he doesn't start in with that garbage once elected I want to give him a shot not to be a dildo and to be a decent leader and human
3. The feeling of disbelief will eventually lessen I think. Not because it'll be more acceptable but because shit'll happen that makes it less surprising that he got elected and the same shit will be met with enough protest and resistance and courage that the disbelief will give way for hope and unity. This aforementioned shit is already happening - lives threatened, property defaced, fear instilled in the hearts of so many. It's on us to unify. Now is the time to remind those being attacked and abused and intimidated that we love them and that we won't stop fighting for them. It's on us to shout right back at the people yelling “build that wall” that we will tear down their wall and that we won't stop tearing down their physical and metaphorical walls until we are all safe and equal in The Land of the Free, Home of the Brave. Now is the time to step up and band together. Anyway, these are my thoughts.

Andrew Post Election Thoughts

I agree with everything that Lukas has said in the above post, so I’ll try to avoid repeating anything he may have said this time and just jump straight into some of the thoughts I’ve had due to attitudes and actions on both sides after the election. First and foremost, I cannot stress enough that those who are choosing to protest are within their constitutional right to do so; however, I don’t agree with some of the protesting that has led to violence, nor is that technically any longer within those individuals’ constitutional rights. There are some that I’ve heard say things like “these people need to just get over it, they lost” and I believe they are missing the point entirely. When you say this, you’re essentially telling these individuals to sit down and accept anything that happens to them; whether it is the results of this election or anything else imposed in their lives. Basically I’m telling you that YOU need to get over it; just because you don’t personally exercise your constitutional rights doesn’t mean that others shouldn’t be allowed to do so. Furthermore, these students/individuals are not just protesting losing an election; they are protesting the ideas of bigotry, violence, and hate that Trump has delivered in his campaign.

Secondly, the whole “I’m sorry I couldn’t protest, I had to go work for a living” and “these kids are whiny, entitled brats” isn’t going to fly. The last time I decided to take part in a protest I was in school and working forty hours a week. I still found time to stand up for a cause I believed in and heard the same rhetoric that I’m hearing against these individuals. I honestly feel sorry that you cannot fathom a world in which you deserve more than what you’re given, but some of us feel as though we all deserve a better world and are willing to take a few hours out of our daily lives to stand for our beliefs. Another random thought: could we also dispel the rumors that these protesters are being paid off by a billionaire in some shadow government conspiracy against Trump? Yes, for those who haven’t heard, that’s a thing some people with too much time on their hands believe. Please do us a favor and take your conspiracy theories to YouTube where they’ll be appreciated more.

Next up, being brainwashed by the media because my brain just couldn’t handle what Trump was bringing to the table. False. Black Bears. What? Nevermind. It’s interesting that Trump supporters have told both me and people I know that we are weak minded and can’t make our own decisions without the media; it’s especially curious considering I can’t even remember the last time I watched the news or read a paper. I often times read articles online and participate in open discussions with friends and family, but still manage to investigate things for myself and come to my own conclusion. I can also determine a site or article’s credibility by the tone of the article or a quick google search, eliminating the possibility that I would believe an old billionaire is handing out hundred dollar bills to college students to protest.

I’m not sure how many Trump supporters would say they actually believe this, but I have to mention it as well. Someone I know happened to mention that “under Obama, race relations have been pushed back to the 1950’s and under Trump people will stop seeing race and unify.” I’m not really sure how to address this other than pointing out that the guy said he intends to indefinitely ban Muslims from our country.

The fact is, if you are able to separate Trump’s bigotry in his campaign from  the rest of his proposed policies, then you are privileged. Plain and simple. If you truly do not stand for what Trump has stood for in so many people’s minds throughout this campaign, I implore you to do everything you can in these next four years to stand for what is right for our fellow citizens. No matter how you stand on issues economically, please don’t truly send us back to the 1950’s by reinstalling McCarthyism and replacing it with Muslim-Americans rather than Communists or treating other races well, sadly like they were in the 1950’s.

That’s all I have to say for now so let the comments fly! Also, Lukas had a better ending paragraph, so just go back and read his third thought again.